After Unraveling the Sweater, Not the Mistake

I’ve been knitting the same three balls of yarn over and over in different patterns for months now — perhaps a silly amount of time. I’ve knit half a vest, decided the shaping was off, abandoned that vest, begun a sweater whose gauge I never measured correctly, unraveled that and began again.

Sometimes at night, as I say good night to my daughters, I wonder about this day we’re closing our eyes to — and maybe this illuminates nothing more than my own crazy mind — but that day’s gone, over.

So many of my parenting days when the girls were young, I greeted the night with relief — the chance to close my eyes and be still. But there’s no re-dos on life, no taking apart and casting on again. That’s obvious maybe — that my life is not a ball of yarn to knit and knit — but those obvious things can be so difficult.

Hence, this early morning, gifted with a few more inches of wet white snow, I’m in my bare feet on the back porch, listening to the wind chimes, for the robins’ first clear notes of the long day ahead.

...It is no surprise 
that danger and suffering surround us.
What astonishes is the singing...

From Jack Gilbert’s “Horses at Midnight Without a Moon” — a short spring poem well worth the read…


8 thoughts on “After Unraveling the Sweater, Not the Mistake

  1. Snow this morning with crocus breaking through. Geese overhead. Wind—a bit shrill. Robins are quiet here, but the warmth of midday will bring them back, I hope. I love your stitches and meditation on passing time.

  2. I love how you savor it all. I think you must love working with that beautiful looking yarn – that’s my theory for hour re-dos!
    As always, I relate to your complicated and complete love of your girls. The fleeting quality of time that of course, intensifies with every day that passes. Mine now 23 and our love and appreciation for each other, our laughter and fun richer than ever. I may have screwed up on love with the men in my life but – I got this right so nothing else much matters. Clearly, you did too. May the snow have melted by now!

  3. Thanks for your nice words — and it’s nice to hear about your relationship with your adult children. The absent father is extremely complicated for my daughters — and myself. I’m slowly coming to accept that may just never be resolved…. And the snow is heading out. Finally!

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