Bootstep by bootstep, my strength begins to return. It’s cold, darn darn cold, slicing at my eyes and cheeks. The cold and I are no strangers. I made maple syrup for years in an unheated outbuilding, raised my daughters in a house with scant heat, have spent decades of my life tromping beneath snowy trees in search of…. what? The usual things I suppose, by which I mean the unexpected. Or maybe just the sheer loveliness of a fresh snowfall.
Here’s my barometer for how I know I am improving, the cancer lessening. A long ago college friend appears at my house with the flu, explaining away his symptoms. At first, I don’t understand; what is he asking me? My old moxie rears up, fueled perhaps by the Red Devil chemo drugs. I’m taking in a poison to save my life, after all. As if it’s not enough to have cancer, I had to send him away, banish him from our hearth, point that what, whatever he thought he might be doing had nothing to do with me at all. It was all him. At this precise moment, there’s no space here for that, or for the flu.
Later that night, neighbors appeared with ice lanterns made from five-gallon buckets. I grabbed my coat and stood outside, talking, while they lit beeswax candles and shared news of town. When they left, the tiny flames glowed brightly in the starless night, sure evidence that fire can burn even surrounded by fat ice.
Stony Soil Vermont 
I love that image Brett, the candles in the snow. Quite a metaphor!
A lovely winter metaphor…
So sorry about your friend with the flu, but I’m glad you’re putting your own health at the top of the priority list for now. Sometimes we do have to come first.
Lessons hard-learned.
What a magical mystical experience. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on the being on the road to recovery.
Thank you — great to be walking this recovery road.
I love how strong you were in regards to your friend. I hope you keep being surrounded by love, light and beauty ❤️ Thank you for sharing.
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beautiful. Maybe I’ll be able to bear my morning swim better.
Morning swims?! How brave!!
It is quite unfortunate your old friend thought it was okay to bring the flu into your home. The lanterns, though, must have been so lovely. And, it is good to read that your strength is starting to return. ✨
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🤦.. but very glad your moxie is moxie-ing! 🌷
Me, too!
some people just don’t understand when you’re going through chemo, no bugs allowed anywhere near. That said, are you done with chemo and slowly getting back to the ‘real ‘world “? or just that the chemo is killing the cancer and therefore you feel better?
good thoughts your way,
christina
Thank you! Agree with all of this. ✨
I love how your neighbors chose to illuminate you with news and lanterns! And very glad you sent your (ignorant) friend away. It reminds me of when my son first came home from the NICU (still 4 weeks prior to his due date) and a friend dropped by to see him. The minute my husband detected the friend (a guy) had a cold, he was made to stay about ten feet away from the baby and only visited for a very short while. Some people just don’t think. It’s great to hear that your strength is returning!
So you had a similar experience! Thoughtless, indeed. ✨