Two parents once came up to me after a school board meeting and thanked me profusely. They felt so much better. At the time, I thought I hadn’t done anything. No decision had been made. But I had done something. I had simply let them talk; I listened; I empathized.
Recently, I emailed my former neighbors — rabidly, on the attack — and asked how dare they employ my ex-husband? How dare they pay him cash when he hasn’t paid child support in years? I expected my former neighbors to be defensive and angry, but, instead, the email I received back was kind and thoughtful and incredibly insightful. They’ll likely keep employing him, but at that point, I didn’t even care. Their empathy for me had opened up my heart to be empathetic for their plight, too.
What makes me remember this on a breezy autumn is maybe nothing but my own unhappiness about the adult world, both in general and in particular. Recently, I realized with the work I’m doing now, I could actually pack up and take a geographical cure from my immediate adult world, head somewhere else to work for the next four months. Like, perhaps, a desert cave.
Bad idea, I think. Those former neighbors and I have finally made our peace, and this one is likely to be lasting.
On a withered branch
A crow has alighted:
Nightfall in autumn
— Basho
Stony Soil Vermont 
Empathy, a lost art but still very powerful.
A much needed, hard-earned one….
They listened. You listened. There is not enough listening going on in this world, and it is always powerful, even in its silence.
I certainly empathize with your story, it is too familiar to me. Your strength shows in your resolve. The willingness to listen is such a rare and beautiful gift. Take care and keep moving forward.
Not listening is a fault I find in myself repeatedly. And yet I still seem to believe that listening might be a path out of the current political morass….. Clearly, I’m not alone in thinking this.
I hope so. I have noticed the desire to ‘talk over’ people is somehow seen as a strength and a power play. I find it rude and indicative of someone who cannot listen, process and respond in a clear and concise manner. Now if we could find a way to encourage each other to listen.
That’s so true! That American competition for who gets center stage.
As the saying goes, you’ve got 2 ears and 1 mouth. Mother Nature has already decided upon the optimal communication ratio, with of course the caveat of hearing versus listening. GT
Great point! I always appreciate your pithy comments.
Empathy? Maybe. But sounds a bit like compassion to me. Which I think is of even more value.