Via email, my daughter’s school sends me a survey. The survey poses a question about what I desire for my student. The question is phrased in a way that reminds me of a question I was recently asked, by someone I hardly know. The question was unique; the questioner asked specifically about me and my life, and how I saw my life in the wider context of the town.
I’ve been thinking of that question since that conversation, returning to it in odd moments while opening my post office box or washing the oatmeal pot. It’s a question we might all want to be asking ourselves — not just what would improve our individual lives, but how do we understand ourselves in the landscape of where we live. Or maybe this is simply April musings, cusp of a storm that could go either way, rain or snow or perhaps simply wind, sweetened with the scent of thawing soil.
Here’s a few lines from a New Yorker article that seem contemporarily apt….
Gaslighting essentially turns its targets against themselves, she writes, by harnessing “the very same capacities through which we create lives that have meaning to us as individuals,” such as the capacities to love, to trust, to empathize with others, and to recognize the fallibility of our perceptions and beliefs. This last point has always struck me as one of gaslighting’s keenest betrayals: it takes what is essentially an ethically productive form of humility, the awareness that one might be wrong, and turns it into a liability.
— Leslie Jamison
Stony Soil Vermont 
I like that explanation of gaslighting. But were your questioners gaslighting you, or your daughter? I hope not.
The school’s questions were more about the political divide in this country and how dialogue often divides us — something that seems to be increasing rapidly, often without our awareness. In a way, I think this is related to the current disregard of facts and how easily we slip into asserting falsehoods are truth….
Indeed. Seems like the school was implying – “shut -up and go along with the “community’s” (our) position. Don’t question, or doubt us. hmmm … ?
Well, I think they were looking for suggestions, honestly.
Okay 👍
Thanks for explaining. The ‘truth’ divide is certainly an issue.
Thoughtful post!
Thank you!
How do we understand ourselves in the landscape that we live in? That is a question I have never thought about, yet it is vital to consider.
Such an interesting question…
Through humility we may be vulnerable, yet we continue. I think the school survey is out of concern for their students’ wellbeing. We have to be careful that when keeping our guard up, we don’t block the wrong jab coming our way. It may just be a light tap on the cheek to keep us awake.